My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
