I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
