Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
