the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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