I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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