I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
