I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
