the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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