Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
