Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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