Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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