Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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