i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
