I just made out with a guy for $7.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
