College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
