apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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