No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
