I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
