why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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