I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
