just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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