Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
