we're chasing vodka with high fives
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
