so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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I think I accidentally invented a religion.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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