there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
