that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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