My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
