i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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