Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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