So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
