Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
