Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
