We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
