I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
