Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
either way he was missing a nipple.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
