porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
