All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
