he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
