I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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