Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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