if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
