I'm drive I can fine osifer
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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