I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
