My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
