I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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