oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
