Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
