we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
