1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
