Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
