I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
