I must be too annoying 4 u.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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