Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize