For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
