Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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