Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
