Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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