I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
