Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
