i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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