I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
