If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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