Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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