I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
