Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
