I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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