Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
