I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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