I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You made out with two different species that night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
