This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
