dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
