where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Screwed.edu
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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