so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
