no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
